Founder Interview With Eli Lawliet, The Gender Doula
Photo Credit: The Gender Doula
Eli Lawliet, Ph.D. (he/him), is the Founder of The Gender Doula, a transformative service providing personalized support for those transitioning, questioning, or exploring their gender, as well as their families. With a robust background in trans healthcare, law, and policy, Eli combines his academic expertise with a full-spectrum doula approach to offer compassionate care through one-on-one support, classes, and consultations. Based in Los Angeles, Eli’s mission is to provide holistic services that meet clients where they are, empowering them throughout their gender journey.
During our interview, Eli shared how his diverse professional path and personal calling led him to create The Gender Doula. We learned about his deep knowledge of trans history, his experiences navigating chronic illness, and his innovative concept of “mycelial marketing.” Eli also spoke about balancing his PhD studies with starting his business, and how his commitment to supporting the trans community has shaped his work. Let’s jump right in!
Can you walk us through your professional journey and how you got to where you are today?
My professional journey has really been all over the map! I was forced to drop out of college really quickly for financial reasons, so my professional life started with retail work. I did all kinds of things - Wal-Mart, a pet store, assistant managing a portrait studio, assistant managing a clothing store. This culminated in my absolute favorite job I’ve ever had: making eyeglasses in a lab. Then I moved to Los Angeles as a live-in cook for a family, and finally, decided to go back to school at community college.
Originally, I wanted to go back to school to get a lab sciences degree so I could work in a lab again. I’m telling you, I loved working in a lab!! But my brain doesn’t process numbers well, and the math required for lab sciences wasn’t possible for me. I pivoted quickly and started studying gender. At the time, I didn’t identify as trans, but I was obsessed with gender and transness and assumed I could study my way into understanding it all.
While in community college, I worked at a doggy daycare, then realized I couldn’t survive on part-time wage labor. So I printed off a bunch of fliers and started working as a writing multi-hyphenate. I was a tutor/coach/editor/ghost writer and I used that, plus scholarships and loans, to get through community college and undergraduate at UCLA. While at UCLA I also volunteered, did award-winning research, taught a class, published an article, and graduated summa cum laude with college and departmental honors. Then I got to grad school and was somehow surprised when my body gave out!
Despite a very severe chronic illness journey, I kept up the freelance work during my Ph.D. program at Berkeley so I could make ends meet on a grad student stipend. While I was there, I was also teaching and, of course, being a grad student. When I received my calling to be a gender doula during my second year, I wanted to drop out immediately, but when I would ask my folks (guides, spirit helpers, ancestors, etc.) for guidance, they told me to stay. I finished my classes, then wrote my dissertation and started my business simultaneously.
Having just one job since I graduated in ’22 has been so nice!
Photo Credit: The Gender Doula
What inspired you to offer the services you provide?
I was literally called to this work. I heard full-spectrum birth doula, Erica Livingston, on a podcast. She said, “I believe we need a doula for every threshold of life.” And the idea of a gender doula hit me like a bolt of lightning! At the time I was applying to law school so I could get a JD/PhD, and I didn’t imagine in a million years I would actually become a gender doula. I thought, “That’s such a cool idea [for someone else].”
But while I waited to learn about whether or not I was accepted into law school, I was on this massive chronic illness journey and getting bodywork from a trans bodyworker every other week. Every time I was on their table, I would see myself descending into the High Priestess’ throne room (from the tarot). I would stare across the water and the words “gender doula” would come to me relentlessly. For months I resisted it, thinking “why do I get so distracted when I’m getting bodywork!” But eventually, I realized that I was being called.
At that point, I had a solid 7 years of study and research about trans healthcare and history under my belt. I had spoken to many different trans people, I had been to conferences and presented at them, I had read through many books and archives. At one point I had read every trans history book ever written (no longer true, which I honestly love). I had this really strong, in-depth knowledge of transness from all these different perspectives - personal journey, speaking to community, research interviews, academic research, history books, historical archives, gender law and policy, and medical research. I realized that I had this incredible body of knowledge to offer, but I needed more skills because my entire skillset was calibrated for the academy.
So I reached out to Erica Livingston and her partner, Laura Interlandi, agreed to mentor me. And that was how I started this work!
What is one of the biggest challenges you have faced in your journey as a service provider, and what did you do to overcome this?
I think one of my biggest challenges has been marketing. I hate marketing—it drains me and makes me feel gross and awful. I’ve learned a lot from Theo Nash and Bear Hebert, and while their expert guidance has helped, I have continued to struggle.
Last year, I developed the idea of “mycelial marketing.” It’s inspired by how mycelium, the underground network of fungi, works in nature. Just like mushrooms release spores to grow and connect, mycelial marketing is about building a network of providers who are all connected in a deeper, reciprocal way. It’s not like traditional networking, which often feels shallow and transactional. Instead, I genuinely admire the people in my network, value their brilliance, and support their offerings.
So when someone in my network has a new class, project, or offering, I can support them by sharing it with my community, and they do the same for me. It’s a more meaningful, organic way of marketing, based on mutual respect and shared values.
This is still very much a work in progress. It’s hard to manage the realities of a post-capitalist hellscape when your values are animist in nature. This is part of why I wanted to join Famm :)
Photo Credit: The Gender Doula
If you could give one piece of advice to future LGBTQ+ service providers within your field, what would it be?
Don’t give into the pressure to be competitive with others. One thing I learned from Erica and Laura (my doula mentors) was that when the tide comes in, all boats rise. I want to know and support every gender doula. I want a robust network of folks to refer clients to, to skillshare with, to hash out the complexities of this work with. Right now there are just a few of us, but I hope to change that.
I hope we can all join together with the spirit of generous cooperation and say “fuck capitalism” together.
How does being openly queer and trans inspire or impact your business?
Being openly queer/trans is integral to my business. I don’t believe cis people can be gender doulas for trans people, so while being trans doesn’t inherently qualify me for this work, it’s sort of the first step to being qualified for this work.
It also means that many people don’t respect or understand what I do, but that’s totally fine.
I’m not here to convince people I should exist. I’m here to support my community and to offer education to folks who want to be more supportive of the trans people in their spheres.
What brands or services by LGBTQ+ founders are your go-to's and why?
The Moon Studio by Sara Gottesdeiner: I’ve been taking Sarah’s classes and buying her planners and other products for many years now and I remain obsessed with her work. Specifically, I adore Sarah’s integrity in her business and her offerings. Her values shine through all of her creations, through her podcast (Moonbeaming), and through her radiant presence on social media. Everything she offers is of profound value, and her teachings deeply inform a lot of my personal beliefs and practices.
Mars Wright: Mars is a dear friend of mine, but his clothes and art are deeply important to me. My “God Is Trans” shirt remains one of my absolute favs, and the thought and effort he puts into his pieces really sets him (and his work!) apart. His messaging about the beauty and magic of transness and queerness are so important. If you’re not already wearing his clothes, get on it!
Folklore Salon in Los Angeles and Long Beach: When I first came to Los Angeles, I wasn’t even out to myself as trans. But I knew I needed a queer haircut, and after striking out here and there I finally found myself in Pony Lee’s chair. Twelve years later, Pony is a dear friend and is still the one I trust with these tresses! He is such an important hub of trans community in Los Angeles, and he helped me through so much of my gender journey in so many different ways. Though we’re spoiled for choice with queer salons in Los Angeles these days, I will be loyal to Folklore as long as they continue to exist. Pony’s schedule is challenging to get into these days, but every stylist at both locations is just incredible! If you’re in LA or LBC, check them out!
Photo Credit: The Gender Doula
Who is your favorite LGBTQ+ celebrity or figure and why?
I don’t care much for celebs generally. They are just people like the rest of us! But since you mentioned “author” as an option, I guess I will say one of my fav queer authors/thinkers is adrienne maree brown. Her work has been foundational to me (especially Emergent Strategy), and has brought me a lot of comfort, joy, delight, and wisdom over the years.
Can you share one fun fact about yourself?
I live with my partner, one dog, three cats, and four snakes. I like including that in my bio because I love this little family, and because I get so much joy and inspiration from everyone I live with—human and non-human alike!
